so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
