OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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