there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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