i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
