i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
