i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
