Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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