I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
