If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
