Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
