The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
