There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
