Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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