Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
