and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
