Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize