she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
