OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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