I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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