turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
