my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
