she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
