you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
