it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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