If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
