so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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