As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
