he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
