the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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