I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize