My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
