I just made out with a guy for $7.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
