I just cut my nipple shaving
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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