I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
