shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
