drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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