dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
