Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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