just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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