That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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