I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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