im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
