i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
