Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
