from now on my penis is your penis
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
