Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
