I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
