Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
