break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
