Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
