literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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