His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
