you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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