I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
