just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
