some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
