I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
