If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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