but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
