Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
