Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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