I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
