i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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