I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
