My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
