I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
