Your face is a jimmy john
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
