If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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